Jason Buffington .com

Real 1:1s are more than 5-minute check-in’s on tactical tasks. This week, I’ll use some negative 1:1 examples to talk about expectations and etiquette for meaningful 1:1s with management.

video transcript

“Always keep your 1:1s” … maybe better said, most constructive 1:1s are bidirectional, meaning that on any given week, month, whatever your cadence is … each of you is equally likely to have things to bring to the other.

Good 1:1s are about more than just tactical questions and ad-hoc updates. And since I believe you can learn as much from bad manager experiences as good ones, let me tell you about one of the least effective managers in my career. They were busy; definitely hadn’t figured out the whole “their tasks versus supporting the team” balance – no problem, I’ve always been happily 98% autonomous throughout my career.

So I asked for a recurring 1:1 every couple weeks, because they were hard to get a hold of. You can always do a fast ask:answer in text, but that’s not what 1:1s should be about. So, t make it easy, I kept a list of low priority items and sometimes send an email for big ones that might need some runway, titled “For our next 1:1.”

That all probably would have worked except a couple hours before most of our 1:1s, they’d send a text at 5:00 AM or minutes before our call and say “Hey I don’t have anything for you this week, so I’m cancelling our one-on-one. I need the time back”.

OK, great that they didn’t have anything for me. I had stuff for them! So, I replied back “Hey but could we still talk about the stuff that I needed?” … Nope, I need the time back.

So I’d come back “When do you have time?” … Let’s just do it on our next one-on-one … or I can try to call you if I get 5 minutes free. 

Free minutes didn’t happen and it was better than 50:50 that the next 1:1 was going to get cancelled too. 

Four lessons to consider:

• 1. Not every team member needs the same 1:1 cadence. But a good manager is mindful of what does each person on the team need to make them the most effective.
• 2. If it’s a scheduling problem or something comes up, that’s totally fine!  Reschedule, don’t cancel — because the other 1 in your 1:1 might have stuff for you.
• 3. Ask before you cancel. “Hey I don’t have anything for you. Do you have anything for me?  Else would you like the time back?” … it’s more courteous and shows each of you respects the other’s time and priorities.
• 4. Ad-hoc 5-minute calls and quick responses in text are not 1:1s. If your manager thinks so, this is an indicator that they only think about task lists and not enabling people. Healthy 1:1s are a chance to address some of the WHYs and the HOWs and not just the WHATs.  Good managers and leaders get that – bad ones, not so much.

See you next Monday