Have you ever been in an argument – and you knew that you were right – so all that was necessary was the other person needed to apologize? Yeah … you might have been right … they might have been sorry … but that probably wasn’t how the argument ended. Let’s talk about that.
Transcript
Have you ever been in an argument – and you knew that you were right – so all that was necessary was the other person needed to apologize? Yeah
- You might have been right
- They might have been sorry
- But the argument probably didn’t end that way.
Let’s first talk about the apology
Saying “I’m sorry but” is not an apology … because everything that comes after the “but” is you refusing to take any ownership; instead you’re justifying your point of view
Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not an apology … because again you haven’t owned anything.
If it takes two to have an argument, then you are partially at fault. Doesn’t matter whether you are 10% at fault or 90%; because if it takes two to argue, you do have something to actually be sorry for.
When your competitive brain is overriding your compassionate heart, your brain has to win at something … or it’s just going to get in your way for the rest of the day.
So have a race to see “Who will say I’m sorry” first
Technically, you get to “take control” of the conversation and you get to “win the race” !
Who doesn’t like to win, especially against someone you’re already in an argument with? An argument is really just a competition of logic and perseverance (or stubbornness). So, if you have to win at something, win the race to apologize first.
PS, if you don’t apologize quickly, that other person could win this race — and then, regardless of the original conflict, now they won the race too!? Can’t have that.
Yeah, this is overly dramatic, somewhat sarcastic, and not official psychology, but if your competitive brain is getting in the way of your compassionate heart; win this race.
Fun fact: if you apologize authentically … without the ‘but’ justification; no deflection … then once you’ve shown that you are genuinely sorry, usually, they’ll say they’re sorry too … which is part of you were looking for – and then, you can both move on.
If you do this regularly, it won’t be long before you discover that the real “winning” is NOT in the races BUT in how quickly you both come back together and move forward. That’s how you both win every argument.
See you next Monday
Jason Buffington .com 
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